This is for all the rainbow mommies.
What is a rainbow mom?
Well: A mother that has had a successful pregnancy resulting in a healthy newborn after having experienced previous pregnancy losses and/or stillbirths, or infant/child death. -Not a Webster definition- just my own.
I lost Lily my 3rd child my 1rst daughter in February 2012.
I had my rainbow baby April 2013.
Through my 1rst year of grief I met so many, too many, mothers (parents) that had lost babies or children, it was overwhelming. It’s like once the door to grief has swung open you see a world that is so sad that you never could imagine and probably didn’t know even existed.
I was nervous to share with them that I was pregnant again, after all I did have 2 healthy children already, some of them had none or 1 or multiple losses.
Throughout my pregnancy and shortly after the birth of my 2nd daughter, 8 other moms I knew were to become rainbow mommies with me, wonderful right? Well I also knew 6 other women at the same time that were pregnant with their 1rst as well- that’s 14… Wow 14 new babies! Awesome right?
No, in my mind I could not help but wonder which one of them would have a traumatic birth? Or which one of them would lose their baby, morbid? Well if you look at the numbers, roughly 1-100 babies are stillborn, or have complications at birth that result in disability or death of the infant. Not a lot of people know that. Unfortunately if you Google it, it will tell you 1/1000- but that’s outdated and doesn’t include all relevant cases/statistics, such as home birth deaths or deaths in 3rd trimester.
So, I knew 14 women that were pregnant and to give birth in 2013/14. Would it? Could it? Horrible thoughts, yes, it is! I was so scared for them all, I literally was consumed with their and their unborn child’s well being, I prayed constantly for them, sounds normal but I am not religious so for me it was not.
Slowly one by one they gave birth, I was relieved,ecstatic, that first of all, every one of my fellow bereaved mothers (fathers) had their rainbow baby! I was/am so elated for them, I know how they feel, this overwhelming sense of love and gratitude to this little, healthy bundle of babylisious joy! Many of us have said, we so don’t mind being up all night- because of what the alternative is/was.
The others began having their babies; I frantically scoured FB for news of their healthy births, the women I did not talk to frequently, if I never heard anything, I messaged them to ask. Then it happened. There was one. She messaged me, told me what happened. I cried, for what I know she went through and still endures.
I meant this post to be a tribute to my fellow rainbow mommies and all the hard feelings you experience when you have a healthy baby after a loss. All the wonderings and thoughts of; is this what they would look like? Would I have this one if the other lived? It is all so confusing to analyze because we think with our heart as we hold the baby that is alive. But I feel this post has turned into maybe a reality check of awareness for those who don’t understand how grief affects us and our thoughts – constantly and forever, even more so when we have our rainbow baby.
I found this site page that explains it quite well.
http://www.compassionatefriends.org/brochures/stillbirth_miscarriage_and_infant_death.aspx
Dealing With My Grief 