A poem for all forms of the Mother

A mother

She grows you, she finds you, she adopts you; loves you

At any age you came, hers,  yours; irrelevant

The bond is formed in that moment

The arrival  different for all

Once the seed is planted she is mother

Via paper, surrogate, thought

Via birth, via death

Miscarriage, stillborn, disability

Abandonment, fostering, or a surprise

The mother was born the instant the lines formed

No matter how long no matter how far away

She remains the mother since that day

The memories of the mother now gone

Held your hand when you fell

Picked you up with a smile

Gave you shit for your mistakes

Tried to explain the breaks

Though gone now, her legacy lives on, in you

The bereaved mother

They grieve the loss that made them a mother

A painful day to remember the child grown or infant; fetus or disabled

That lived not long enough

Those that celebrate with living children and mother

The grateful ones; a happy day

The mothers to pets or nieces and nephews, cousins or siblings

What makes us a mother to someone lives in the hearts of the care we give

There are those that have lost their mother

Cancer, accident; old age

Mothers day is hard for some in different ways

Some celebrate, some remember

The love stays everyday

Thanks for reading,

Wishing all forms of mothers a peaceful  mothers day


mothyers day all


Having dimples means being kissed by an angel….hhmmmm

I like this saying if it is a saying simply because I believe Lily is Hopes angel. Lily had dimples as now does Hope, the interesting thing is that Hope has very clearly more her fathers traits/characteristics- more pale(whiter) skin, fair hair and eyes, largeness in head and body type but he does not have dimples, I do. Lily who had much more my traits, olive skin, small head, dark hair and eyes and dimples! If one parent has dimples its a 25% chance the child will if both parents have dimples its 50%. Lily is the angel that kissed Hopes cheeks giving her protection, angelic beauty and dimples. I am not bias. 😉

Nov. 7 2013

 I haven’t written in a while, I find it helpful but also very strenuous on my mental health, I love thinking of lily I hate remembering the torture of those few months before and after her birth. I cannot escape it though nor would I want to I suppose. Recently my husband and I traveled with just Hope on a business trip and I could not, cannot believe how many people comment(ed) on her. I don’t remember them saying those things about my boys and of course no one ever mentioned (s) Lily. One woman saw Hopes dimples and said that means she was kissed by an angel- to have a dimple and oh how I love that- I had never heard that saying before. The tour operator kept saying what ‘angelic beauty’ she had. Couples would come over to our table at lunch and dinner just to comment how amazing her eyes are how beautiful she is. Its wonderful and painful. I love her so much it literally hurts. I try to embrace her presence  every moment I have because I am so afraid of it being taken away.


I wish I could mask my pain and at the same time I want everyone to see how hurt I am, I can’t stop the tears behind my eyes, they have taken up permanent residence there, I find it odd thought that I can spend part of the day so intensely upset with literal pain  in my chest, its hard to breathe to be normal, I want to sleep, then I  see someone I know and I have gotten so good at acting, pretending, being fake whatever you want to call it but on one hand I want nothing more than to share my pain and sadness while in the moment of it then to immediately want to hide it and feel ashamed  by my rawness.