As I lay awake with the demons of the night my mind wanders in and out of morbid thoughts. Ones I can shake some I cannot.
We are all born with a fairly similarly functioning heart, thought not my daughter Lily who died needing many heart surgeries from congenital heart disease. Anyways, as I was thinking while wishing I was sleeping; we are all born with a tiny faucet on our heart that helps us to feel, to empathize, to show and have compassion; to hurt.
As we grow, as we get disappointed, let down, break,our faucets leak more, causing us to feel more, cry more. Maybe with trauma grows a new faucet, maybe with death of those close to our hearts grows multiple. At times in grief, especially the raw stage of grief we feel actual pain, in our chest because of our sadness or hurt or loss; crying hurts- literally, our faucets are overflowing.
Perhaps over time they slow, maybe even stop leaking in moments of bliss or happiness, but they are always there. Those of us that have more faucets feel more in times of tragedy because we have been drained before. we cry more easily because our taps turn on faster. We hurt when others hurt. But I think that is okay. If we do not feel we do not live.
Thanks for reading,