My Apologies

My Apologies

I think I am ready, my vision is not so blurred, my wound not so fresh.

I realize in my grief that I have hurt many people, not purposely, not intentionally, also at the time not really caring. I didn’t care how my words affected people, it didn’t matter to me; nothing did.

But I did hurt people, I did lose friends. And I am coming to see that I was to blame not them as I had chosen to once believe. The ones closest to you disappoint us the most when they don’t know what to say- but really no one did and nothing said was ever right, but we expect more from certain people and when I felt they didn’t deliver I was cruel. Yes, I was hurt and did not care, to quote the movie ‘Home’ I was ‘sad-mad’. I also wanted them and others to hurt, to lose someone, to lose me even. Grief blurs our reality and for a while it is helpful but when the haze clears sometimes there are regrets and this time it is not about the loss or if I could have done something differently.

It is realizing that in my pain, I caused pain to those closest to me and for that I am sorry.

“Because even the smallest of words can be the ones to hurt you, or save you.”
Natsuki Takaya

Advertisements

One thought on “My Apologies

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s