Who you’d be today

We went away, another trip you should have been on. I miss you lily. I remember that day you left us, I prayed and begged for so many things to have you to stay, I promised you I would buy us matching bathing suits to wear the following summer, I almost bought Hope and I matching suits this trip, I couldn’t. I miss you. This morning I was staring at a photo I keep beside my computer, it is of your brothers holding you and it struck me as I stared that it was you and not your sister Hope. All the things that are missed by you, by your life being over.


Three years ago I slept a lot, not wanting to endure the pain of the slow minutes that past without you. I prayed to jump ahead in time when it would not be so raw, so real, and so hard. And here I am, three years later and I wish so desperately to go back to that pain, to feel your hurt inside my soul so I cannot move again. I miss you. I think of you still always. I wonder who you’d be today.

Thank you for reading.



5 thoughts on “Who you’d be today

  1. Thank you so much for supporting my work. Your site is humbling. Your courage is utterly inspiring. I’m so sorry for your loss. Deepest respect.

      • I should perhaps share that I’ve experienced 5 miscarriages with two different partners and have a close friend who lost their baby girl a two weeks old, so a little of what you say echoes on a personal and emotional level… but I would never try to compare. Your grief and courage in living through is immense as well as intensely personal. Kindest, K

  2. Thank you for sharing. I cannot imagine the pain of miscarriage and so many times, so many futures imagined gone. I am sorry. Wishing you a happy & healthy new year.

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