Life is picking up speed again and I am not sure how I feel about it. As the time is passing, so is the anxiety about life slowly dissipating.
We are learning to allow ourselves to be comfortable with whatever we are feeling. To be less judgemental and easier on ourselves. To just be. This has not come easily. In fact, it hasn’t entirely arrived (and I do not suspect it will in some ways). Things that I am able to say today will not necessarily be the same as how I feel tomorrow. Grief is finicky. It is unpredictable. We are doing what we can. We know that healthy grief has to include permissions.
The permission to be distracted. I have been afraid to live, to allow my mind to focus on things non-Owen, for fear of dishonouring my son. I have been comfortable in our world completely devoted to our little boy. Everything that we do is for our son. I have fears…
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