Father’s day 2014


My husband held our baby when I was too scared to. He rocked her to sleep every night that she was home, refusing to put her down even when she was asleep. Her death affected him way more than I in many different ways but did people take the time to care about his grief?

He got hurt, angry even when everyone would ask him if I was ok and not ask if he was ok. As if I was the only one that lost a daughter. When Lily was born she wasn’t breathing and the nurse asked him to hold her hand and talk to her while they tried to resuscitate her. In that moment they bonded, much more than I ever did or could. Yet people only cared about my grief and ignored his. I lost my husband for a few months after our daughter died, we rarely saw eye to eye, we were in different stages of grief, always one up the other down, vice versa. He was inconsolable, in that he wouldn’t let me in. So I suffered through my grief and watched my husband disappear while he dealt with his grief, alone.

As I think of my husband this father’s day and the amazing man that he is. I am lucky he is the father of my four children, but they are luckier that he is their dad. I think back to one of my first posts the one and only that were about my husband, my rock and all that he has endured.



Thanks for reading

Wishing all fathers a gentle, hopeful. Happy Father’s day


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