Having dimples means being kissed by an angel….hhmmmm

I like this saying if it is a saying simply because I believe Lily is Hopes angel. Lily had dimples as now does Hope, the interesting thing is that Hope has very clearly more her fathers traits/characteristics- more pale(whiter) skin, fair hair and eyes, largeness in head and body type but he does not have dimples, I do. Lily who had much more my traits, olive skin, small head, dark hair and eyes and dimples! If one parent has dimples its a 25% chance the child will if both parents have dimples its 50%. Lily is the angel that kissed Hopes cheeks giving her protection, angelic beauty and dimples. I am not bias. 😉

Nov. 7 2013

 I haven’t written in a while, I find it helpful but also very strenuous on my mental health, I love thinking of lily I hate remembering the torture of those few months before and after her birth. I cannot escape it though nor would I want to I suppose. Recently my husband and I traveled with just Hope on a business trip and I could not, cannot believe how many people comment(ed) on her. I don’t remember them saying those things about my boys and of course no one ever mentioned (s) Lily. One woman saw Hopes dimples and said that means she was kissed by an angel- to have a dimple and oh how I love that- I had never heard that saying before. The tour operator kept saying what ‘angelic beauty’ she had. Couples would come over to our table at lunch and dinner just to comment how amazing her eyes are how beautiful she is. Its wonderful and painful. I love her so much it literally hurts. I try to embrace her presence  every moment I have because I am so afraid of it being taken away.

 Nov.11.2013

I wish I could mask my pain and at the same time I want everyone to see how hurt I am, I can’t stop the tears behind my eyes, they have taken up permanent residence there, I find it odd thought that I can spend part of the day so intensely upset with literal pain  in my chest, its hard to breathe to be normal, I want to sleep, then I  see someone I know and I have gotten so good at acting, pretending, being fake whatever you want to call it but on one hand I want nothing more than to share my pain and sadness while in the moment of it then to immediately want to hide it and feel ashamed  by my rawness.

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2 thoughts on “Having dimples means being kissed by an angel….hhmmmm

  1. thank you so much for reading and following my blog. i look forward to doing the same for you. i am so sorry for the loss of your angel, lily. i lost my young nephew a few years back and i know that never a day goes by that we don’t think of him and miss him, though he will always remain in our hearts. some days are harder than others, and i try to live fearlessly and enjoy every day with the little ones in my family and know it is a tremendous challenge at times. hugs, beth

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