After Lily died I would sit outside for hours just staring, at trees, at plants, shrubs, leaves on the ground. Mulling over life. Why we suffer. Why some survive while others do not. When I look at life as a continuing cycle of nature I am better able to understand life followed by death a bit more clear. Not with less sadness but with less confusion.
I wanted to watch things grow. I wanted the stillness and very realness that is nature. My first mothers day after Lily died in 2012 my boys gave me an apple tree. I planted in my backyard.(seen here) I put the Buddha there for calmness when I sit and stare and now my angel to sit with me.