November 20th 2012
We started telling people we were pregnant after the mandatory three month period, just in case… and in our case especially. Sometime around mid September 2012 after the first trimester, we began telling people, I had such mixed feelings I wanted my secret to be mine forever, I didn’t want people to think we were trying to replace Lily, I didn’t want people to forget her because we were having another baby I especially didn’t want people to think I was “better” I was/am still grieving her.
I have a million more things to think about now. Will this baby be okay?- Was my biggest fear/worry. Anyways we started to tell a few people and the reaction was mixed some did not know if they were supposed to be happy and some were way way way too overjoyed that it was annoying. But what surprised and angered me most was that people referred to this baby as our third child?!
So this was my response to some comments made by people…….
If you went through a divorce a year ago- would I say, you’ve never been married?
If your pet dies – would I tell you -you’d really like being a pet owner.
If your brother died in a car crash – would I introduce you as an only child
If your best friend moves across the globe & you never see them again, does that mean they didnt exist?
*** ig·no·rant/ ˈignərənt/ Adjective:
Def: Lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated***
There were more than a few people, more than I expected anyway, that we told about our pregnancy( I should note these were not close friends but close enough and we have known long enough that they should have known better) they commented that they were so happy for us- we will have three children, or congrats on our third child. We have had to correct them -this is our fourth child, our daughter died at 2mths of age that does not mean she did not exist. Thank you. Awareness, not ignorance please.
Mostly everyone’s comments angered me or annoyed me at their ignorance and the audacity of their insensitive comments made, I was not about to let anyone get “off the hook”.
Little did I know the comments I was about to get after finding out we were having another girl would infuriate me even more….
- My confusing thoughts almost a year after having a very traumatic birth and living through the death of my baby girl. (dealingwithmygrief.wordpress.com)